TheXponential | Biyang Wang, LCSW
Remote Psychotherapy & Consulting
MINDFULNESS: From Wish To Reality
MINDFULNESS: From Wish To Reality
We live in a world where we can access information from and witness events taking place anywhere in the world, almost in real-time. We can watch a speech live-streamed from across the world.
But what about the moments happening right in before our eyes?
Sure we are constantly distracted with crazy-busy days (and nights). But don’t let that take you away from experiencing the joy, beauty, and peace in your own life.
Mindfulness is a way to help you be more present in every part of your life. I know you’ve heard about it, read about it, seen it on TV, and even tried it a few times yourself. If you are like most people, mindfulness is simple to understand, but difficult to integrate into your daily life.
This article aims to stimulate your curiosity by introducing the various principles behind mindfulness, so that you can better understand its relevance to your unique personality, interests, and lifestyle.
In this article, we will discuss:
What Is Mindfulness?
Mindfulness is state of being, style of relating, and way of living. Being mindful means actively attending to each moment, staying attuned to your Inner World, and aware of your External Reality. When you’re mindful, you allow all thoughts, feelings, and sensations to freely come and go, without judgment of right or wrong, good or bad. You are fully engaged with life, not distracted by ruminations of the past and apprehension of the future. You tackle challenges by searching within yourself, instead of taking orders from deciding based on Should, Supposed To, Always, and Never.
Mindfulness is a wise spiritual teacher, reminding us that living a full life isn’t about feeling only the pleasant emotions, such as joy, pleasure, calm, and hope. Living an authentic, whole, and meaningful life means that you will have diverse experiences and encounter a multitude of events, including the joy of being in love, grief of a loved one passing away, pride of your achievements, anger over injustices, appreciation for the simple beauty of nature, and many more. Therefore, feeling a whole range of emotions means that you are truly and fully alive.
Integrating Mindfulness into your daily take takes patience and consistent practice, but mindfulness will help you navigate life’s most challenging moments while maintaining inner peace and wellness.
Being a non-judgmental observer of our lives and intentionally attending to the present moment may not come naturally, but with patience, practice, and creativity, you too can experience a healthier, more joyful, less stressed life.
Why Every Mind Benefits From Mindfulness
Mindfulness has been studied in many clinical trials. The overall evidence points to the effectiveness of and positive outcomes from regular mindfulness practice for many conditions, including:
- Anxiety
- Stress
- Depression
- Pain
- Insomnia
- Hypertension (High Blood Pressure)
- Diabetes
Preliminary research findings suggest that mindfulness can also ease symptoms of fibromyalgia, asthma, and chronic pain.
Mindfulness helps you manage your mental and emotional well-being, allowing you to go through life with balance, calm, and awareness. It has been show to:
- Improve sleep
- Improve concentration
- Decrease job burnout
- Improve relationships
- Increase motivation
Mindfulness includes many different techniques, some simple and others more structured. It’s about finding how to find ones that best integrates with your lifestyle and skills level.
Below, we provide 12 principles of mindfulness to help jumpstart your practice and activate your imagination to make it your own. They are listed in alphabetical order, so no one is better or worse than another, we have no opinions on which one is more or less effective. The choice is all yours.
12 Principles to Make Mindfulness Practice a Reality
1. Acceptance
When we feel a strong emotion, especially the hard ones, it’s easy to view them as facts, instead of an internal experience. Acknowledge its presence, and then pause, breathe deeply, and watch as the emotion moves through the body. Accept that it’s with you without judgment. Feelings carry important information and it takes a bit of time to understand its message. If you get frustrated with yourself for being frustrated, you may trigger a chain reaction of further unpleasant sensations. It’s like adding fuel to a fire. When allow the thought or emotion to come and go, it loses its intensity, allowing us to keep cool and carry-on.
2. Awareness
Sometimes, we find ourselves in an anxious state without realizing how we reached that point in the first place. To reorient yourself in the present time and space, become acutely aware using each of your senses.
Wherever you are, even if you are sitting in a crowded meeting room and can’t take a break, being focusing on each of your 5 senses. For 10 seconds, notice what you can see: the people, chairs, the table, the door on the far side of the room, fluorescent lights, etc. For another 10 seconds, focus on the sounds: the person talking, computer keys clacking, pens scribbling on paper, your breath. Continue for your other senses. Doing this exercise outside, while walking, or sitting down may be more pleasurable. But even in the midst of an uncomfortable situation, you can step out of your thinking mind, become an observer, and see the situation as it is.
3. Breathe
Our breath is naturally rhythmic, with a soothing gentleness and lightness of flow. No words, gadgets, or activities required. Take several deep breaths, extending your exhalations to twice or three times as long as your inhalations. Breathing is natural way of calming the body and mind. You are signaling your sympathetic nervous system to lower its fight-or-flight response, and activating your parasympathetic nervous system to work it natural magic. You don’t have to control your breathing or breath in any special way. Simply let your body do what its built to do. Sometimes, placing your hand on your belly and feeling the rise and fall helps you become centered.
4. Compassion
When you begin hearing that critical voice whispering in your ear, instead of telling it to fuck off, take a gentler approach, and ask why it is so anxious, aggressive, and irritated. If you are driving in a car and your child begins to cry and yell in the backseat, reacting critically will escalate the situation. Instead, ask what the voice is needing in the moment, and let it know that you’re both safe.
5. Curiosity
When you feel an emotion, particularly the hard ones such as guilt, fear, anger, shame, and sadness, be curious. Instead of turning away, turn toward the emotions, and ask them questions, like you would a good friend who has come to you for support. Even if there isn’t an immediate answer, be patient and maintain a curious mindset. This will give you insight into how and under what circumstances specific emotions manifest.
6. Integration
Mindfulness doesn’t have to be an extra activity. You can practice it while doing routine tasks, such as brushing your teeth, walking, sitting, eating, and cooking. As you’re sitting, feel your hamstrings and glutes touching the surface of the chair, or sinking into the softness of a sofa. Notice how as you lean back, your body relaxes as you exhale deeply. Notice whether your feet are touching the ground, how your hands are positioned (on your lap, resting on the sides, etc.), and your posture. Similarly, if you’re standing at an intersection or waiting in line at the grocery store, instead of glancing at your phone or getting impatient, feel how your feet are pressed against the ground. Stand tall, balancing your weight evenly on both legs, and then gently shift your weight from side-to-side. If your hands are clenched, shake them out (or just one, if you’re holding something). Note the thoughts and emotions coming up, and return to your physical sensations.
7. Intention
Mindfulness requires intention, especially in the beginning. Most of us are more used to being busy than slowing down to savor the present. Even though we’re not consciously aware, our minds are wandering more than half of our waking hours, which leads to a sense of meaninglessness and discontent. You can start out by giving yourself gentle reminders, such as a note on your bathroom mirror, a sticker on your steering wheel, or an alert on your phone. It doesn’t have to be fancy or profound; a simple “Pay Attention!” is good. You can also write notes like “Look around you” as a prompt to take in the world through your all your senses.
8. Journaling
Imagine that your brain is your laptop, and journaling is similar to cleaning out your hard drive and downloading the nonessential files to an external drive. When we hold too much information in our minds, our brain becomes overloaded and unable to function optimally. If you have a lot of programs running at the same time, your laptop runs more slowly and expends extra battery power. When you feel anxious and overwhelmed with all that you need to do and the emotions you’re having, write all of them down. By exporting your worries, unfinished tasks, responsibilities, ideas, and unhelpful thoughts to paper, you free up space in your mind to calm down and focus on satisfying your needs in the moment. It also frees you from having to remember everything on your own, which keeps you from adequately internalizing new information. This way, at the end of the day, you have the battery power left for hobbies, relationships, and relaxation.
9. Patience
Making Mindfulness a part of your daily routine takes consistent effort and patience. If you are a novice, you may be really excited and eager to jump right in, confident that it will seamlessly become a part of your everyday life. However, as the initial excitement wanes, many people find excuses for not having the time and energy to practice, and eventually, they decide that, “Mindfulness is just not for me.”
People will tell you that consistency is the key. Even if you do 30 seconds, 5 minutes, or 60 minutes, only daily practice leads to the touted benefits. However, let’s be realistic. There will be times when you expect breathing to calm you down, but after a few minutes, it’s not working. Or you try to remain neutral to your thoughts, but every time you push them aside, they zoom back like Boomerang. Of course you are frustrated!
This process of trying, adjusting, trying again, adjusting, try something new… is all part of the journey. Remember that mindfulness is for YOU, not for someone else’s approval, or an ego boost. Attempting to fast-track the process will exacerbate the stress, leaving you dejected, or giving up altogether. There’s no rush.
10. Pause & Reset
When you’re distressed and at your wits end, STOP for a moment. When we are in a frazzled state, our brains feel cloudy, our thoughts swirling, and nothing makes sense. It’s not helpful to keep doing what’s not working. When you pause, take a few deep breaths, and allow your body a moment of peace.
Sometimes, you need something more engaging to jolt you out of the distress. Spend 10 minutes to watch a funny YouTube video, read a funny blog post, or read something inspirational. When you’re on Break, be present rather than thinking about what you need to do afterwards. Feeling guilty about relaxing, WHILE relaxing, is NOT relaxing – it’s stressful.
Better yet, taking breaks throughout the day or in-between large stretches of time can help you maintain focus. Expecting your brain to run full-speed the entire time reduce productivity and lower the quality of your work.
11. Savoring
It’s easy to get stuck in “negative” emotions, such as depression, hopelessness, and anxiety. Even though they are uncomfortable, they are familiar and keep us safe. However, if we are constantly on high alert, we miss out on the beauty, joy, and hope all around us. Even on your worst days, you can still find the simplest things to be grateful for, like the fact that you are taking this time for yourself. Stay with this pleasant experience, and allow the warmth to wash over you. Another aspect of savoring is remembering the things in your life that make you feel supported and cared for. Examples include your pet, engaging in a sport or music, favorite food, and walking in nature. Fully immerse yourself in that image, allowing the calm, excitement, joy, or other associated feelings to rise and linger in your mind and body.
12. Shake it off.
Anxiety and stress lives in the body. The experience may vary from one person to another, but common sensations include knot in the stomach, tightness in the chest, faster breathing, racing thoughts, and increased heart rate. The feeling may be so heightened that it’s difficult to focus on your breathing or visualize a pleasant experience. Instead of forcing yourself to sit in the discomfort and letting it escalate, get up, move around, take a walk, shake out your arms and legs, etc. If you are able to go outside or are in a larger space, you can pace or walk quickly, imagine that with each step you are pushing that negative thought into the ground. Alternate between a faster pace and slower pace. It’s similar to contracting your muscles to produce greater relaxation. Before you know it, you’ll wonder, “What was I stressing about?”
Mindfulness On-The-Move: Mobile Apps
Don’t be shy about getting some guidance to jumpstart your meditation practice, or to spice up your current routine. Here are some popular apps suited for a variety of lifestyles:
- For the Frequent Commuter: BUDDIHIFY – If you travel a lot for work, shuffle between meetings, hustle through city streets, then this app lets you meditate during the craziest times.
- For the Busy Beginner and something for Everyone: Headspace – this was created by trained Tibetan Buddhist Monk and allows you to build up basic skills of meditation practices through structured courses. It also has programs to help you achieve various Goals and better navigate different challenges. In addition, you can do brief 3-, 5-, or 10-minute exercises for immediate relief, or listen to 8 hours of nature sounds while you sleep.
- For those who prefer variety: WHIL – If you like to mix things up, Whil helps you to train the mind or body with traditional guided meditation exercises, and video yoga workouts. Enter your mood, goal, and available time, and the app will match you with an option to fit your needs.
- For enjoying brief escapes throughout the day: CALM: Calm helps you take breaks no matter where you are. You can customize the background ambiance and scenary to create mini escapes throughout your busy day.
- For the Seasoned Master – INSIGHT TIMER – No bells and whistles, just the basics to help you ease into calm: interval time, ending bell sound, and ambient noise. You can get some moral support by seeing other community members on the app at the same time.
Now It's Your Turn
Mindfulness is not a one-size fits all technique and is in fact the very opposite. It celebrates your individuality, uniqueness, and the impermanence of life. Unless you’d prefer something extra, there’s no requirement for gadgets, financial commitment, special locations, or coordinating with other people.
You can take Mindfulness with you wherever you go, because it becomes a part of your internal resources to keep you calm and poised through whatever life throws at you. When life is chaotic, the future is uncertain, and nothing is happening according to plan, it’s nice to take back some control and find solace in knowing that peace is always within you.
Additional Resources
Look here for a number of simple exercises to incorporate mindfulness into our daily life.
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