TheXponential | Biyang Wang, LCSW | Helping Kids Navigate Change: COVID-19

Helping Kids Navigate Change: COVID-19

March 31, 2020 No Comments How To Cope,Navigating Change,Parenting,Teens & Young Adults Biyang Wang, LCSW

It’s been a few weeks now since the White House first issued its social distancing and stay-at-home guidelines. Depending on your home state, you may have lived with the repercussions for an even longer period of time. By now, your children have not only heard about the novel coronavirus, but are personally living and experiencing the consequences of the response, whether it’s needing to stay at home nearly 24/7, attending classes online from home, and/or being separated from their friends and normal extracurricular activities. They may also know of someone who is sick, or have heard about stories of how the virus has devastated countries around the world.

Initially, we all hoped that changes will be short-lived and our lives return to normal in no time. However, what was temporary is starting to be the “new normal,” at least for another month. If you haven’t yet already, it is time to have an attentive and more comprehensive dialogue with your kids about COVID-19. Chances are, they have questions, thoughts, and feelings toward the changes happening all around them, but not sure what to say or where to start.

After helping several of our clients who are parents of children at various developmental stages navigate the art of conversation, below are ways we’ve discovered to be the most effective.

Take Care of Your Own Anxiety First.

Fear and anxiety are contagious. Children are particularly sensitive to internalizing the attitudes and emotions of adults around them. If you are still in panic mode, your children will sense that, despite what you may verbalize. If you need to, talk to a friend, a partner, or a professional, like a therapist, to process your own concerns. Make sure that you are not getting the latest updates solely from popular social media posts (by non-reputable sources), where the writer’s main goal is not to provide unbiased facts and information, but to create a sensation.

However, this doesn’t mean GETTING RID OF your anxiety. Being anxious is a normal and appropriate response to the current situation, and a feeling that is important to acknowledge. It’s more about how we choose to react to our emotions. What’s more helpful is to ground ourselves in reality, rather of letting thoughts spiral down to worst-case scenarios and irrational fears based on myths and rumors.

Be Proactive.

Talking about the coronavirus may feel like giving your child “The Talk.” You may also put off the conversation, thinking that having a more “official” discussion only exaggerates the severity and cause more harm than good. However, the reality is that things have been different, and will likely continue to remain so for a while. Your initiating the conversation will set the tone for a culture of openness and curiosity at home. You are giving your child permission to talk about the hard stuff, and giving them a safe space to speak boldly.

Ask and Listen First. Talk Later.

Approach them by assessing what they already know, and feel out their impressions about the situation. Have them talk to you as if they were informing someone who is still naive about the current atmosphere. If they’ve only heard about the number of fatalities, and entire countries shutting down, then they may imagine an Doomsday or End-of-the-World scenario, which would require you to do a bit more parenting and distress management, than if it’s about a nastier-than-usual seasonal flu.

Once you assess what they already know and get a sense of their emotional state, proceed to correct any incorrect information and assuage any exaggerated fears. This means that you also need to educate yourself about the scientific facts and get accurate updates on the current social and political situation, NOT solely from social media and chit-chat from your friends, but trusted and reputable sources such as the CDC and WHO (See the end of the article for our preferred resources). If your children are able, encourage them to use these as the main sources of their information and periodically, share what they’ve learned with you.

Keep in mind that their age, maturity, and developmental state can influence their comprehension and ability to process complex information. For example, if they are still below school age (~6 or 7 years old), it is OK to keep the talk more general. At this developmental stage and academic training, it’s possible they have not been exposed to concepts of disease, death, panic, fear, etc., so right now may not be the best time to do a deep dive, as this can potentially lead to unnecessary anxiety. However, one client, whose 7 year-old recently began reading Harry Potter, decided to use this as an opportunity to break the ice. It’s a personal decision.

Validate and Empathize Their Feelings. Don’t Be Dismissive.

Don’t try to minimize their concerns or tell them that everything is fine. Don’t make promises of when their lives will return to how things were before everything changed. This doesn’t address their worries, and may instead send the message that their feelings do not matter, or question their intuition. Some children have BIG emotions and are more sensitive to their environment. Every child is unique in his or her personality, and may differ in the ability to verbalize feelings and manage emotions. Try to remain curious, giving them room to openly share what is really going on internally. Then, help them understand how to respect their feelings, but manage their responses. It’s helpful if you’ve had a successful experience processing your own emotions (See our first tip).

Empower By Focusing On What We Can Control.

There is a lot that we still don’t know about the long-term effects of the virus, whether we have seen the worst, for how long social distancing will continue, and only time can tell how this event leaves it mark on the political, economic, social, psychological, and biological landscape of our nation and nations around the world. That is more than enough to create frustration, heightened anxiety, and frequent worry.

What we do know is that good hygiene, plenty of sleep and rest, social distancing, and having a peaceful state of mind are steps each of us can take everyday, from moment to moment. Remind your child that washing their hands for at least 20 seconds before and after meals, or after being outside, can reduce the likelihood of infection, and help keep the people around us healthy. The CDC website offers additional recommendations for daily practices. By focusing on how we each play an important role in getting through this pandemic, you can empower your child to play their part in this fight and recovery process. We do have to be patient and trust that our government and healthcare agencies are doing the best they can in the background. But we are each responsible for and important in keeping ourselves and each other safe and healthy.

Emphasize The Opportunities During Difficult Times.

There’s a plus side to taking online classes at home – having more freedom to enjoy the warmer weather outside while it’s still sunny and bright, instead at the end of an exhausting day. With the time saved from commuting to and from work, picking kids up from school and activities, and attending social events, you have more flexibility and availability to be active. If you were worried about having little time to spend with your family, this is your chance. Your kids can also do more art and crafts, read, and play games. This is an opportunity to teach them how to organize their freetime, and practice prioritizing and maintaining balance in their daily activities. It’s a real-life experience of “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”

You Are Not Alone; We Are In This Together.

We may be physically apart from our friends and loved ones, but this is a great time to be grateful for and appreciate how technology allows us to stay connected and continue to support one another no matter where we are located. This is not an excuse to stay glued to our devices and be constantly distracted by alerts and pop-ups (Digital Hygiene still apply). This is an opportunity to find nurturing and enriching sources of support, and set boundaries around who and what we allow ourselves to be influenced by.

You can certainly lean your friends, partner, family members, and the digital community for advice and support. But it is OK to seek out professional help from a Therapist, who can provide a safe and open space for you to recharge your mental and emotional strength, prioritize your own well-being, and get more specific parenting recommendations. Most providers are offering Telehealth services, and insurance companies have stepped up their range of covered services and reimbursement. (Note: Always speak to your insurance company directly to get accurate information about coverage and benefits for your specific insurance plan.)

This is an unprecedented and formidable situation, and we are taking extraordinary measures. As parents, your protective instincts are sharper than ever, and you’d do anything to make sure that your children remain healthy, happy, and continue to simply be kids. We don’t have to drive ourselves nuts trying to make everything stay the same. As humans, we are made to evolve and adapt to change. We can do our best to stay updated on accurate news and information, continue to follow healthcare recommendations, and reward ourselves for doing our own part to keep ourselves, our loved ones, and our community safe. There is no “right or wrong” way to cope and get through this, so release yourself from the “shoulds,” expectations, and comparisons.

Allow yourself grace to be more irritated than usual, and be snappy once in a while. However, pay attention to any patterns (insomnia, feeling exhausted, worsening mood), and address those as early as possible.

How are you all doing? What have you found to be helpful or unhelpful? Please share your challenges and success stories!

Helpful COVID-19 Related Sources and Information

Centers for Disease Prevention and Control

World Health Organization: Novel Coronavirus Updates

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS)

New COVID-19 App For Screening, Latest New and Updates

Comprehensive directory from The National Association of County and City Health Officials (NACCHO) with contact information for your city health officials.

Note: Words, people, places, and situations have been heavily disguised to protect the confidentiality and privacy of clients; but their messages remain the same. Any resemblance or reference to something/someone you know or heard about is purely coincidental.

Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need additional support from our therapists. You can contact us to inquire about immediate openings for Tele-therapy.